Marriage advice is often hard to request. We worry about what people will think. We believe we can turn things around on our own. We think that marriage advice is only needed by weak individuals who don’t have the capacity of fixing their marriage on their own.
This kind of thinking can ruin a marriage. It is interesting that we will pay someone to change the oil in our car, shampoo our carpets and mow our lawn but when it comes to asking for marriage advice we become stubborn and think we have what it takes to fix the problem on our own.
Asking for marriage advice is a wise step for many reasons. First of all it will give us a fresh perspective. Have you ever seen a child struggling to tie their shoes, button their shirt or pour milk in a cereal bowl? As an adult we see the situation through experienced eyes and can visualize the right way to do things.
We know how to tie shoes and button a shirt. We know what will happen when that child loses control of the milk jug and the milk spills all over the table. However, when we approach the child they say, “I can do it myself!”
So we stand back and watch them struggle or make a mess. Asking for marriage advice is similar to this situation. If the child would simply ask for a little help his life would be so much easier. Many times couples are like that child though.
They struggle with their marriage, not understanding that if they would just seek a little marriage advice the relationship could be so much easier and more enjoyable.
If you were trying to learn the proper technique for shooting free throws and an NBA star offered to help would you turn him down? Of course not! But when it comes to asking or accepting marriage advice many of us become stubborn and insist that we can do it on our own.
We act foolishly and reject an excellent opportunity to learn and to become a better spouse. We may reason that no one has a perfect marriage therefore I don’t need to listen to marriage advice from other married couples
. Well, NBA stars don’t always make their shots but that doesn’t mean that they don’t have anything to teach me about how to shoot a basketball. If I value my marriage I will be eager to listen to marriage advice and will at least try it out in my marriage to see if it works.
Of course it is important to seek marriage advice from a trustworthy source. I wouldn’t ask my grandmother to help me write a rap song, or ask my mechanic brother for advice on cooking the Thanksgiving turkey.
In the same manner I shouldn’t seek marriage advice from my single friends or from acquaintances that have been divorced a couple of times.
As you consider seeking marriage advice, consider couples who have a strong committed relationship. Seek out couples who communicate clearly without arguing or yelling at each other. In short, get marriage advice from couples who have the kind of marriage relationship that you want to have.